When I moved to Ottawa, I decided to take most of my stuff with me. I weighed the pros and cons of moving almost everthing and I came to the conclusion that I just couldn't live without most of it. I couldn't bear to part with the piles of cookbooks I own, and how could I blog without all my props and such? So, when I moved to Ottawa, I went with a lot of "baggage."

It all seemed to fit pretty well in my Montreal apartment before going to Ottawa. Trouble is, now that I'm back, I seem to be overwhelmed with too much stuff and not enough space to cram it all in. And I swear it's not because I spent my entire stay in Ottawa shopping.

I am trying desperately to get/be organized. I dream of color coordinated closets and a logically set-up walk-in, where there's no threat of purses and clutter crashing down on you at the slightest nudge. I yearn for my little kitchen island to be completely free of ANYTHING except my kitchenaid mixer. A clean, empty counter top and organized baking cupboards would be glorious.

Every day, I focus on a small, small area of my space and try to organize a little of my junk possessions.  I have no idea if I am actually capable of clutter-free living, but I am trying. As a reward for my efforts, there's lemon mousse. A little cupful is definitely a treat after all the organizing, and it's super easy to throw together: equal parts lemon curd (store bought if you have no time to make it) and whipped cream (whipped to medium soft peaks) are folded together, spooned into serving cups, and refrigerated overnight to set. Personally, I like to serve it with fresh berries (whatever I can find) and crumbled graham cracker crust. It's easy and it's yummy. Now back to organizing the chaos.

Lemon mousse

    Serves 6

• 250 mL (1 cup) cold whipped cream
• 250 mL (1 cup) lemon curd (homemade or store bought)
• 1/2 a batch baked graham cracker crust (see below for recipe), crumbled, optional
• 170 grams (1 package) fresh raspberries, optional

1. In a medium bowl, whip the cream to medium soft peaks.
2. A a dollop or two of the whipped cream and add it to a small bowl containing the lemon curd. Stir to mix well and lighten the curd.
3. Add the lightened curd to the bowl of whipped cream and fold it in.
4. Transfer the lemon mousse to serving dishes and refrigerate overnight.
5. Serve with crumbled graham cracker crust and fresh raspberries.

Graham cracker crust recipe (1 batch)

• 125 grams (1 1/4 cups) graham cracker crumbs
• 15–30 grams (1–2 tbsp) granulated sugar
• 70 grams (5 tbsp) unsalted butter, melted

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment.
2. Combine the graham cracker crumbs with the granulated sugar.
3. Add the melted butter and stir til the crumbs are evenly coated and clump nicely when squeezed together.
4. Transfer crumbs to the baking sheet in a mound, pressing and spreading it out evenly (don't worry if it doesn't reach the edge). You are making a giant flat cookie here basically..
5. Bake for 10 minutes, and let cool before crumbling over the lemon mousse.

When I went to college, fresh out of a French high school, I had to write an English test to prove that I indeed could read and write in English. Part of the exam was an essay and the uninspiring topic was "where do you see yourself in 10 years." I think I spent three-quarters of the time just sitting, staring at a blank page. I had never cared to look to the future dreamily, and there I was in an exam room having to prove that I understood English by writing an essay about something I didn't want to contemplate. Needless to say, my essay was so awful that they threw me in "English for immigrants", a class destined for those who were unfamiliar with the language. I kid you not. Trouble is, English is my mother tongue. I think that's what happens when you make Jan contemplate the future.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about that English placement essay and I've started to wonder if, today, I could answer that question any better. Where do I see myself in 10 years, or 5 years, or even just in the next 6 months? Honestly, I still have no idea what the future will bring. It's still kind of blank for me. I guess that I see a big question mark made of neon lights with that buzzing sound. I think I just live day by day and wait to see what will happen next rather than trying to predict. Somehow, I'd rather just live than waste time worrying about what's going to happen.

Instead of analyzing my life and uncertain future, I've been contemplating s'mores: roasted marshmallow and a couple squares of Hershey's milk chocolate sandwiched between two graham crackers. When was the last time you had one? I haven't had a s'more in ages. I used to love the smell of smoke from a fire in a fire place, or better yet a campfire outdoors. I used to roast my marshmallows on a twig until they'd practically catch fire.

Alas, I don't have a fire place in my apartment, and I'm pretty sure if I lit a campfire on my balcony, my neighbors would freak out and call the cops on me. So to satisy that craving, I made these s'more bars (no fire required!) with a graham cracker crust, a layer of milk chocolate (Hershey's brand of course, and I will accept no substitutes!), and topped with mini marshmallows. The heat of the blind-baked crust turns the chocolate all melty and I then topped the bars with mini marshmallows and finished them on broil to puff the marshmallows and turn them golden brown. It's simple. It's satisfying. It warms the heart.

S'more bars

    Makes 9 bars

• 125 grams (1 1/4 cups) graham cracker crumbs
• 70 grams (5 tbsp ) unsalted butter, melted
• 1/8 tsp salt (or more for a saltier crust)
• 4 bars (45g each) Hershey's milk chocolate, broken into little rectangles
• 100 grams mini marshmallows (this works out to 150–200 of them)

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
2. Grease the sides of an 8x8-inch square pan. Set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, stir together the crumbs and melted butter until the crumbs are all evenly moistened. Spread them in the prepared pan and press to create an even base.
4. Bake the crust for 10 minutes.
5. Remove the pan from the oven and immediately top with a single layer of chocolate. Let stand for 3 minutes then spread the chocolate with a fork.
6. Preheat the oven to broil. Top the bars with a layer of mini marshmallows and brown them in the oven on the top rack for a minute or two (keep your eye on them to avoid them catching fire!).
7. Let the bars cool for at least 10 minutes before cutting into squares and serving.

My good friends G & H are getting married this summer, and of course, just before any wedding, there was a bachelorette party.  H's bacheloretty party was jam packed with activities including a belly-dancing lesson on a rooftop in Montreal, karaoke, and of course cupcakes, which I had the opportunity of providing. One of H's wedding colors is pink, and I know she loves chocolate anything.  So, I opted to make these mini chocolate cupcakes with raspberry frosting. Plus, I selfishly love the combination of raspberry and chocolate. I'm pretty sure my cupcakes were much better than my karaoke singing (at least I really hope so). 

Cupcakes are something I hardly ever make any more. I don't know why because they are actually a lot of fun to bake. When I do make cupcakes, I find it important that the frosting say something. It can't just be a pretty blob of buttery sweetness. The frosting needs to have flavor. This is why I was particularly excited to try this recipe for raspberry frosting from the blog Making Life Delicious.

The frosting recipe involves cooking/mashing fresh (or frozen) raspberries in a small saucepan so that they release their raspberry juice. Then you strain the juice and put it back on the stove to cook it down into a thick raspberry concentrate that is used to color and flavor the cupcakes. It's genius. The frosting tastes intensely of raspberry. The color is genuine, from the fruit. No dyes or food coloring needed. I would do this again with other berries for sure. Oh and I saved the leftover raspberry pulp to spread on buttered toast with a drizzling of honey or maple syrup. Yum.

The cake recipe (adapted from good ol' Martha Stewart) is what I refer to as a cake mix cake (but from scratch of course). You combine all the dry ingredients in the bowl of the mixer, combine all the wet ingredients in a separate bowl, then mix the two together. Very easy. If you are feeling lazy, you can even just measure out the wet ingredients and place them directly into the bowl with the dry ingredients, in a one-bowl process. Super easy.

Normally, I'm an all-butter kind of girl, but I find with chocolate cakes, butter-based recipes, sadly, can be a bit dryer. So this cake recipe calls for oil, not butter, but it yields a light, moist cake that everybody loves and its texture makes up for the absence of butter. Of course, if you have a moist all-butter alternative for me, do send it my way! I'd really appreciate that.

Chocolate cupcakes with raspberry frosting

    Makes about 50 or so mini cupcakes


Chocolate cupcake ingredients

• 69 grams (3/4 cup) extra-dark cocoa powder (like this one from Cocoa Barry), sifted
• 195 grams (1 1/2 cups) all-purpose flour, sifted
• 300 grams (1 1/2 cups) granulated sugar
• 1 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 3/4 tsp salt
• 2 large eggs
• 178 grams (3/4 cup) low-fat buttermilk
• 178 grams (3/4 cup) warm coffee (or warm water)
• 3 tbsp canola oil
• 1 tsp vanilla

Raspberry frosting ingredients

• 340 grams (12 oz) fresh or frozen raspberries
• 115 grams (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 400 grams (~3 1/2 cups) icing sugar, sifted
• A couple tbsp pink sprinkles (optional)

To make the chocolate cupcakes

1. Line two 24-cup mini cupcake pans with mini baking cups. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, combine the cocoa, flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder and salt.
3. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, buttermilk, coffee (or water), canola oil, and vanilla.
4. Pour the liquid ingredients over the dry ingredients in the mixer bowl, and mix them on low until the batter is liquid, glossy, and without lumps.
5. Transfer the batter to a measuring cup (or a bowl) that has a spout, and pour it into each of the liners until they are evenly filled to about 3/4 the height of the liner.
6. Bake the cupcakes for about 12–15 minutes or until a cake tester inserted in the middle of a cupcake comes out completely clean. The cakes should spring back when tapped lightly.
7. Let the cupcakes cool partly before transferring to a wire rack. Only frost them when they are completely cooled.

To make the raspberry frosting and decorate

1. In a small saucepan, heat the raspberries on low to extract the raspberry juice, mashing with a potato masher or the back of a spoon.
2. Strain out the seeds and fruit pulp using a fine-meshed sieve and transfer the strained juice back to the pot. Save the raspberry pulp for breakfast!
3. Heat the juice on medium to cook it down to about 1/4–1/3 cup. Let cool completely before using.
4. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the butter with about 230 grams of icing sugar. Cream them together on low, then add the concentrated raspberry juice.
5. Adjust the consistency of the frosting with the last 170 grams of icing sugar, beating well to make sure that it is smooth.
6. To decorate: fill a piping bag fitted with a star tip (D7) with the frosting. Pipe a rosette of frosting over each mini cupcake. Top with a pinch of sprinkles if using. Please note that the frosting will change colors slightly as it sits.