My condo teeters between semi-clean and a state much like a bomb went off.
I want to be neat, like really, really neat.
I need to be neat.
I am not neat.
Sucks to be me.
(I know, I know. It's my own fault).

I like to blame the second law of thermodynamics (yes, I'm serious) that basically states everything has a tendency towards entropy. See, it's not my fault! It just happens. Chaos in my condo is easy and it happens naturally in a sense because it requires little to no energy to make it happen and to maintain.

When I'm busy, my energy is directed elsewhere, and what usually happens is I start to clean, but never finish. I end up with the laundry rack permanently ensconced in the middle of my loft, and the vacuum always plugged and at-the-ready for me to get cleaning... eventually... My attempts to clean when I'm busy basically lead to more messiness.

The thing that bugs me about the messiness and disorder is not that it impedes my day-to-day life. There's order in the disorder, I swear. The trouble is that I feel like I am still a child and I just want to grow up. I somehow haven't outgrown the messy-room phase. I long for my dwelling to look like it is inhabited by an adult and not an untidy, way-past-her-teens thirty-something woman. I walk into other people's clean and pristine abodes and I am sad. Why am I so physically incapable of keeping a clean house?

Instead of tidying up, I baked these cookies (adapted from Smitten Kitchen). And, by baking these cookies, I contributed even more to the mess. These cookies come out of the oven as soft, almost cake-y cookies, but become a little chewier as they cool. I baked them in a mini-muffin pan so that they'd all have a nice uniform size because my living conditions may be less than neat, but my muffins must be perfect. I'm funny that way.

At least I have cookies to eat while I stare at the chaos that is my open loft space. Yeah, you can't hide the messiness when you have a loft. It's literally hits you as soon as you walk in. Oh well. I'll grow up one day. Maybe.

Oatmeal cookies

Published: May 15th, 2013, Cook time: 10 minutes
    Makes 48 small cookies

• 115 grams (1/2 cup) unsalted butter (I used Stirling unsalted butter)
• 130 grams (2/3 cup) light brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 95 grams (3/4 cup) all-purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 120 grams oats (I used Robin Hood quick oats)

1. Grease two 24-mini muffin pans. Set aside. Also line a large rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper and set it aside.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and the sugar for 2 minutes. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.
3. Add the egg, and beat again until incorporated.
4. Add the vanilla, and beat again. Scrape down the bowl.
5. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, and oats.
6. Add the flour mixture to the mixer bowl, and mix on low til the dough comes together.
7. Scoop the dough with a 3/4 oz scoop (~20 g of dough per scoop) and place on the parchment lined sheet (I got exactly 24 scoops of about 20–22 grams). Refrigerate the dough for about 1 hour.
8. Preheat the oven at 350°F. When the dough is completely chilled, divide each scoop into two using a knife and place each half in a well of greased muffin pan.
9. Bake for about 10 minutes or until the edges are just beginning to turn golden brown. Let the cookies firm up for a minute or two before, unmolding with the help of a mini offset spatula.

The universe kind of punched me in the face this week, and so once again, I found myself vulnerable, crying on the shoulders of friends, emailing/talking to get comfort, support, help, advice. I don't think I'd survive without my friends to talk things out, bitch, complain, vent, rant... My friends help me work through my issues and see the light.

It's hard because at the same time, I am stubbornly independent. I try to do most things by myself. I hate to put people out or ask favors. I know everybody's busy, and everybody has their own lives, their own share of problems to deal with. I hate to burden people with mine on top of everything else, and I hate the vulnerability of thinking that I can't do something on my own. However, when it comes to my emotions and upsets, I have learned that I cannot deal with them alone. For that, I ask for help.

My emotional roller coaster reminds me that I've connected with amazing people over the last 5 or so years. I don't mean to be all sappy, but I can't believe how lucky I am. Sure, the universe has thrown me my share of troubles, and the universe tossed another obstacle at me this week, as though I didn't have enough of them already. But the universe also gave me my people.

Panna cotta is one of those easy desserts that you can throw together all while dealing with a life crisis. It takes about 10 minutes and then you just have to refrigerate it to set and chill til the next day. It can be lighter if made with whole milk, or a combination of milk and cream, and it can be seriously decadent if made with cream only. This vanilla bean panna cotta is lightly sweetened because I served it with some homemade strawberry jam. It's immensely refreshing and the perfect way to enjoy your preserves.

Vanilla bean panna cotta

Published: May 10th, 2013, Cook time: 10 minutes
    Makes 4 to 5 servings

• 1 packet Knox gelatin
• 63 mL (1/4 cup) water
• 500 mL (2 cups) cream, or milk, or a combination of both
• 1 vanilla bean, split in half and scraped
• 2 tbsp (25 grams) granulated sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• homemade jam

1. Place the water in a small bowl and sprinkle the gelatin evenly over top. Set it aside to bloom while you work on the rest of the recipe.
2. In a small saucepan, combine the cream and/or milk with the split vanilla beans, being sure to scrape all the seeds into the saucepan. Add the granulated sugar.
3. Heat the mixture on medium–low until it just begins to steam and is almost about to boil. Take the saucepan off the heat, and whisk in the bloomed gelatin mixture until it has completely dissolved. Let the mixture cool to room temperature before adding the vanilla extract.
4. Strain the mixture into 4 or 5 small ramekins or glasses, and transfer to the fridge to chill overnight.
5. Enjoy as is, or top with a dollop or two of your favorite jam.

I'm convinced that a bowl of freshly-popped popcorn can make all sorts of miserable situations at least a tiny bit better. When I was at McGill, if it weren't for the middle of the night popcorn breaks with colleagues, I don't think I would have survived. I was miserable most of the time, and I swear the two things that kept me going were popcorn and my labmates. Fine, I didn't love all my labmates. There were a few that were not even worthy of the popcorn that fell on the floor.

I think my late night popcorn snack time at McGill sealed the fate of my relationship with popcorn. For better or for worse, I will always have popcorn.


To satisfy my popcorn cravings, I actually own three different machines, besides a good old stainless steel pot and lid in case all three machines fail. I kid you not. Popcorn-popping is a very serious part of my day and not to be messed with.

I don't know about you, but regardless of the popping method, I always gravitate towards savory/salty toppings. My go-to popcorn topping is obviously melted butter, but recently I've gone fancy, opting for melted whey butter from Stirling Creamery in Ontario. This butter is so good, I am slightly embarrassed to admit that I could probably eat it straight, but of course, I would never do that. Instead, I melt it and drizzle ridiculous amounts of the salty, creamy whey butter all over my popcorn. Popcorn is perfect when it's made as simple as that.

I also like to douse my buttered popcorn in Frank's Red Hot, which yields soggy popcorn that kind of tastes like chicken wings. I know you're thinking it's weird, but trust me, soggy chicken-wing-flavored popcorn is pretty awesome. Just do it and thank me later.

Last but not least, chili lime flavored popcorn. I struggled a lot with how to get this one right. Obviously the easy way to make chili lime popcorn is to just take your buttered popcorn and sprinkled with chili powder, salt, and sprinkle with lime juice. This totally works, but again, this yields damp popcorn. Recently, my new strategy is to omit the lime juice and use citric acid instead. It's a powder, and it's how many chip companies impart that tangy citrus flavor to snacks without the water. It works, and when combined with a little lime zest, lots of chili powder and salt, it's winning.

Chili lime popcorn

Published: May 7th, 2013, Prep time: 2 minutes
    Makes 8 cups

• 8 cups popped popcorn
• 3 tbsp (or even more) Stirling Creamery whey butter, melted
• 1 tsp (or more) chili powder
• 1/2 tsp salt (optional, if you find your popcorn isn't salty enough from the butter)
• 2 pinches (or more) citric acid or the juice of a lime
• 1/2 (or more) lime, zested

1. Toss together the popcorn with all the ingredients and thoroughly mix. Taste it and adjust your seasoning accordingly.

How to make Turkish coffee

Every time I randomly bump into my cousin R and he is with somebody I haven't met, he points to me and laughs, exclaiming "We're cousins! Can't you tell?". This leads to much confusion. See, R looks Egyptian. I, on the other hand, do not. It's an ongoing joke really, and watching people react to the information is priceless.

I may not seem Egyptian, but a few of my eating habits say otherwise. Cumin is my go-to spice when I'm cooking, or even when I just eat a fresh tomato. Fava beans are comfort food and they are also breakfast, served with eggs. I love nigella seeds, which are not to be confused with black sesame. I like to eat desserts that are soaked in syrup, especially syrup flavored with rose water. OK fine, most of these are common to many countries in that area, but point is, I'm clearly not from, say, Texas.

My latest "Egyptian" habit is Turkish coffee and it's one that I won't be giving up any time soon.

Turkish coffee has changed my life forever. It's made from Arabica beans that are super finely ground. Some also grind in cardamom, which makes Turkish coffee even better in my opinion. In Egypt, the foam on the coffee is called the "wish" (i.e. face) and it is good luck, so making Turkish coffee in the kanaka (a stovetop coffee pot) is ideal because it's really the only way to get that foam. The kanaka is the traditinal method for brewing on the stove, but my aunt taught me that now it is quite common to make it "instant", just by stirring the coffee grinds with boiling water directly in your coffee cup.

However you choose to make it, Turkish coffee is delightful. It is sweet, slightly floral from the cardamom, and not at all bitter so you can enjoy it hot, without milk, and even without any sugar.

Turkish coffee

Published: May 2nd, 2013, Cook time: up to 10 minutes
    Makes 1 cup

• 1–2 tsp finely ground Turkish coffee (a mixture of Arabica and some cardamom)
• 1–2 tsp granulated sugar (optional)

The "instant" way:
1. Place coffee grinds and sugar (if using) in a small coffee cup. Top with boiling water.
2. Stir the mixture, going around 23 times with your spoon (not 19 or 27 times!). Stirring is important so that the coffee grinds hydrate better and sink to the bottom so that you aren't drinking grainy coffee later.
3. Let the coffee settle for a few minutes and sip while hot.


The "traditional" way in Egypt (please note: this method requires a kanaka):
4. Place coffee grinds and sugar (if using) in the kanaka. Top with cold water.
5. Place the kanaka on the stove and heat on low very slowly until the mixture just begins to boil (if it boils too much, you will lose the foam, and possibly your good luck, especially when the coffee erupts out of the pot).
6. Remove from heat and let sit 1 minute before pouring into a small coffee cup.

Sometimes I dislike the internet. I love this site called Thought Catalog. It's honest, I like the way it's written, and it makes me laugh. I read this one post that cracked me up, but then it made me think, and I mean really think.

The post is entitled "10 signs you have no life" and it has an image taken from Daria. Automatically I was hooked and it really was hilarious. Unfortunately, it mirrored my life just a little too much as of the first telltale sign. See, not only do I have a semi-permanent pile of crap next to me in my bed at all times (magazines, laptop, iPod, notebook, pen), one night I actually woke up to find almonds and dried cranberries (snacks?) scattered in between the sheets. I think it's safe to say this was a new low in my single life.

Conclusion: I need to go out more, or else that semi-permanent pile of crap (and apparently snacks) "occupying the space where another human being should be" will become more than semi-permanent. I really don't want that.

Of course, I have nothing to wear and a million other stupid reasons to avoid going out. So, excuse me while I stuff my face with peanut butter cookies instead.

This is a typical peanut butter cookie recipe (from my mom's recipe box) but of course I did a little experimenting. I wanted a cookie that was thicker but still chewy and containing natural peanut butter. The key to that is more flour, but keeping the baking time at around 10 to 12 minutes. Any longer, and you will end up with crisper cookies. That's okay. They all taste amazing, and are the perfect excuse to stay home.

Classic peanut butter cookies

Published: April 29th, 2013, Cook time: 10–12 minutes
    Makes 21 cookies

• 115 grams (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, room temperature
• (1/2 cup) natural, unsweetened peanut butter (I like Maranatha brand)
• 100 grams (1/2 cup) granulated sugar
• 100 grams (1/2 cup) light brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 125 grams (1 cup) or 188 grams (1 1/2 cups) all-purpose flour

1. Preheat the oven to 350°F.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, peanut butter, and the sugars for several minutes, starting on low and slowly increasing the speed to medium. Scrape down the sides of the bowl with a spatula.
3. Add the egg, and beat until it is incorporated, then the vanilla, scraping down the sides of the bowl as needed.
4. In a separate bowl, combine the baking soda and salt. For chewy/softer/thin cookies, add 125 grams of flour. For thicker chewy cookies, add 188 grams of flour. Whisk the dry ingredients together then add them to the mixer bowl. Beat until combined.
5. Scoop the cookie dough with 1.5 tbsp cookie scoop onto parchment-lined cookie sheets, press with a lightly-floured fork to make a criss-cross pattern, and then bake for 10–12 minutes for chewy cookies or for 13–15 minutes for crispier cookies.
6. Let cool several minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Battle of the store-bought dulce de leches

I seem to have developed the attention span of a gnat. I blame it on the interweb. That's right: I'm saying that the interweb gave me ADD. Or maybe it was my smart phone. My dad says it's cause I'm not using my brain enough, which leads me to argue that my ADD happened because I used my brain too much and now my brain is tired...

In any case, my lack of attention means that if a recipe requires careful stirring for 10 or more minutes, I'm screwed. The interweb will lure me in and take me away from the stirring and attentiveness, and then it smells like fire, and then I've ruined dinner.

Thus the appeal of store-bought dulce de leche.

The thing about cutting corners is that you have to make sure it's worth it. Not all store-bought dulce de leches are made alike. Is the product as good as what you would make from scratch? Could you park your butt on the sofa in front of the tv and eat the dulce de leche straight from the jar with a spoon? Of course, I would NEVER  do that!

I compared three brands of dulce de leche that were available at my local supermarket:

• Bonne Maman, a brand from France that is known for its jams
• Caramella, from Argentina, and one I had high expectations for because of where it's made.
• Eagle Brand, from Canada, a brand that is better known for the evaporated and sweetened condensed milks

I dove right into this test without even reading the ingredients. Caramella was the thickest, while Eagle Brand was really too runny. I felt like the Caramella dulce de leche had the best texture: thick and spreadable enough that it would probably make a good cake filling  Unfortunately, the Caramella dulce de leche didn't taste great, but it wasn't the worst flavored. Interestingly, the Caramella brand was the only one that contained vanilla, which made it taste artificial and just didn't work on my taste buds.

My least favorite was the Bonne Maman dulce de leche. It had a pudding-cup-like consistency, and it had a tangy taste. Turns out that this dulce de leche is thickened with pectin and contains sodium citrate. My guess the latter is the cause of the "tangy", uncharacteristic flavor. Honestly, Bonne Maman dulce de leche is terrible. I would never buy it again. Sorry, Bonne Maman. I like your jams, but your dulce de leche kind of sucks.

Hands down, between the three, there's only one dulce de leche I'd buy again: Eagle Brand. The flavor was great with a sweet, "natural" flavor: no weird tanginess from sodium citrate and no pectin added. However, it was so thin it would just run off a spoon. In the end, I much preferred the Eagle Brand dulce de leche, even if it was more of a sauce than a spread

My solution to the consistency problem: boil it down, stirring constantly over medium–high heat (don't put it on high because it will catch and burn on the bottom, and if you think you are going to get pulled away from your simmering dulce de leche, best to lower the temperature of the stove or do this step later). In about 8 minutes, with constant stirring, I managed to turn the puddling liquid dulce de leche into a very thick caramel. For a caramel that is more spreadable, I'd probably simmer it for 6 minutes.

Thicker dulce de leche

Published: April 25th, 2013, Cook time: 5–8 minutes
    Makes 1 jar

• 1 can Eagle Brand dulce de leche

1. Pour the dulce de leche sauce into a medium saucepan and place over medium-high heat.
2. Stirring constantly, bring the mixture to a boil for 5 to 8 minutes or until the desired consistency is reached (if you get to the point where the mixture is bubbling like thick, hot lava, your caramel will be very thick).
3. Transfer the mixture to a deep bowl and then blitz it with an immersion blender to get rid of any lumps (if you have any), while the mixture is still warm.
4. Transfer to a jar and store in the fridge.

Possibly the best homework of my life came from my business coach who sent me out to visit bakeries and cafés, and to eat, drink, and observe pastry shops and their clientèle. It was like a dream come true: eating dessert and justified people-watching, all in the name of research. The goal was to find my muse, or that business that inspired me while helping me come up with a mental image of what my business will look like. Of course, I got side-tracked along the way.

I fell head-over-heals in love. 

No, it wasn't a boy who caught my eye and distracted me. Hah! Still looking...

It was a pastry called kouign amann (pronounced kween a-mon). Why? My reason is very simple. I am apparently incapable of finding a boy A kouign amann is a sweet, caramelized, buttery, slightly salty pastry. I love all of those flavors, and if you wrap them into one little pastry package, I'm a goner.

Refrigeration is a key step to making croissant and most layered doughs like this one. Refrigeration allows the butter to harden and chill between folds. Refrigeration ensures you have lots of alternating thin layers of dough and butter, as opposed to a buttery brioche.

However, there's a downside to this step when making a kouign amann. Sorry, I have to get nerdy here again. Sugar is hygroscopic and therefore loves to absorb moisture, so the layers of sugar turn to syrup as you refrigerate the dough between folds. This can make working with the dough a little tricky, so be forewarned and use your pastry scraper to help you lift and fold the dough.

I worked with a couple of recipes (one from Gesine Bullock-Prado and one from David Liebovitz). I started with Gesine's, and amicably referred to the pastries as "butter bombs". They were so tasty, but boy were they heavy on the butter, maybe too much so (I can't believe that I, Janice Lawandi, just typed that!). I'm all for using loads of butter, but this was, I think, detrimental to the final pastry.

In this version of the recipe, I used less butter, but kept the maple sugar mixture in the folding. The resulting pastry is light—in a buttered pastry kind of way—maple-y, and with distinct layering. Much better than the original "butter bombs" I made. These are best eaten fresh, but the leftovers, though chewier, have an even better maple flavor.

For laminated doughs like this one, I suggest using a higher fat salted butter, like Stirling European Style Churn 84 butter. Regular butter will work, but the higher fat European style butter will help you achieve better, distinct layering.

Stirling Creamery sent me samples of their various butters to work with and use as I like, but all opinions are my own.

Maple kouign amann

Published: April 22nd, 2013, Cook time: 25–30 minutes
    Makes 8

• 1 3/4 tsp instant yeast
• 250 mL (1 cup) water, divided
• 32 grams (1/8 cup) maple syrup
• 313 grams (2 1/2 cups) all-purpose flour
• 3/4 tsp salt
• 155 grams salted European-style butter (I used Stirling Churn 84)
• 150 grams (3/4 cup) granulated sugar
• 150 grams maple sugar (or finely ground maple flakes)
• Pinch of grey sea salt (optional)

1. Heat half the water and the maple syrup to 110°F in the microwave, then stir in the yeast. Set this aside for about 5 minutes.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, place the flour and the salt. Stir the mixture together then add the bubbly yeast mixture to the bowl along with the rest of the water. Stir to combine on low, then switch to the hook attachment and knead the dough for about 7 minutes until the dough is smooth and just slightly tacky, and the bowl is clean with no dried bits at the bottom. Feel free to adjust the humidity along the way with a sprinkling of water or flour if you feel the dough is too dry or too wet.
3. Transfer the dough to a greased bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Let rise in a warm, draft-free place (like your oven, turned off but with only the light on) until it has doubled.
4. Place the butter between two sheets of plastic wrap and roll it into a square (~14x14 cm). Store in the fridge til the dough is ready to use.
5. Mix together the maple sugar and granulated sugar in a bowl and set it aside.
6. When the dough has doubled, transfer it onto a lightly floured work surface and roll it into a square, brush off any excess flour, and place the butter block in the middle (as shown in the image above). Fold the corners towards the middle to wrap the butter block with the dough, pinching together the ends and sides to seal in the butter.
7. Folding: With your rolling pin, pound/roll the dough to a large rectangle and sprinkle it with a ~1/4 cup maple sugar, pressing it in a little. Fold it into thirds (like you fold a letter). Rotate the dough 90°. Roll it again into a rectangle, sprinkle with maple sugar, and fold it into thirds again. Wrap the dough in plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 30 minutes.
8. Sprinkle your work surface with a little maple sugar. Retrieve the dough from the fridge, unwrap it and set it down on your work surface. Repeat the folding sequence again. Then wrap the dough with plastic wrap and refrigerate for another 30 minutes.
9. Preheat your oven to 400°F (for a more caramelized pastry bottom, preheat a large baking sheet in the oven set in the middle rack).
10. Roll the dough out thinly (~1 cm if you can) and cut it into 8 pieces. Gently transfer the dough pieces to a parchment lined tray or a parchment-lined whoopie pie pan. You can pinch opposite corners together or leave them as is. Sprinkle with more maple sugar before baking, and a little sea salt if using.
11. Set the baking sheet over the preheated sheet on the middle rack in the oven, and bake for about 25 to 30 minutes until the pastries are a deep golden brown. Rotate the tray at least once throughout the baking.
12. Let cool completely before serving.